


Stacked

by Aviantei



Category: Heart no Kuni no Alice | Alice in the Country of Hearts, ジョーカーの国のアリス | Joker no Kuni no Alice | Alice in the Country of Joker
Genre: Backstory, Gen, I'm still salty that I don't get a real Joker route, One Shot, POV Second Person, Twelve Shots of Summer, headcanon land
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviantei/pseuds/Aviantei
Summary: [One Shot] In some ways, becoming One With Duties is random, as if there's a giant deck of cards for every person in Wonderland to choose from, and the one lucky person—or unlucky maybe—to draw the necessary card is shoved into a whole new world. When it comes down to it, you happened to draw the Joker, and that's what you'll be for the rest of your life. [Twelve Shots of Summer]





	Stacked

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot was originally posted on fanfiction.net on July 29, 2014. It was written for the Twelve Shots of Summer challenge week nine prompt, "Too Far Gone," so yeah. 
> 
> From my original notes: "Write in second person," I said. "It'll be fun," I said. "It's not like Joker has two parts to him and trying to convey that in second person will be a pain in the ass," I said, severely in denial.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Stacked**

By: Aviantei

A _Heart no Kuni no Alice_ One Shot

[Twelve Shots of Summer 8/12]

* * *

In some ways, becoming One With Duties is random, as if there’s a giant deck of cards for every person in Wonderland to choose from, and the one lucky person—or unlucky maybe—to draw the necessary card suddenly is shoved into a whole new world, completely and utterly different from anything they’ve remembered before.

The strangest part for you, frankly, is the fact that you have a face. Not just one barely distinguishable from the tons of other Faceless kids on the streets, but a face that can only belong to you, designates you as someone who’s worth just a _little_ bit more than the rest of the clock-run citizens of the world. The eye patch is a bit strange, but you accept it.

At first, it’s kind of exciting. After all, being a Faceless is rather dull. Being One With Duties… Well, there’s a number of rules to follow, but at least they’re somewhat exciting, depending on which country you’re in. Of course, things are mostly boring for you until April Season rolls around, but that’s just how things work in Wonderland.

Because when it comes down to it, you happened to draw the Joker, and that’s what you’ll be for the rest of your life.

* * *

Early on, it seems fun, running the circus or the trains, depending on season and country. Honestly, when you look at it, the Joker doesn’t have as much responsibility as they others. You get to put on a show or run the train or let people fall into your prison when necessary, and most of the work is done by Faceless kids or other Ones With Duties or even the guilty ones themselves.

Except, you realize, there’s rather a limited need for the Joker. You have to be connected to someone in order to have any real influence, and Elliot March is _boring_, for god’s sake. Beyond that, too, no one seems to like you, which is a blow of its own.

You can’t blame the other Ones With Duties—if they don’t like you, that’s probably just part of their role. The others get into territorial scuffles all the time, near to-the-death battles when it’s time to do so. Some part of you, though—and it’s a bigger part than you realize at first—_does_ blame them, because the others are just blaming you for something you couldn’t control. After all, if you _could_ have known, there’s no way you would have drawn the card that made you the Joker, because that’s not a role that anybody should willingly take.

Because some days, you just want out.

* * *

The hardest part is when the other you appears—or, rather, two parts of you decide that trying to coexist is just a _pain_ even if you’ve always seemed to manage it before and simply _split off_. Even worse, you know there’s nothing you can really do to stop it, because becoming two beings is just _part_ of what it means to be the Joker, and it’s really a miracle it hasn’t happened sooner.

Everyone else expects this, too—after all, it’s part of the _rules_. It’s an easy enough distinction: one of you puts on smiles and runs the card game and the circus during April season, and the other spouts out curses like they’re water and spends his time taking care of the dungeons. You both are viewed as different people, and you even act like it sometimes, but the fact is you’re still the same.

The more mild-mannered you still thinks all the things the foul-mouthed one says, and the worse-off for manners of you two still has the same sort of logic as your seemingly calmer half. In some ways, you really aren’t two different people or parts, but just one person trying too hard to pretend like you’re not alone.

And that’s the reason, really, that you ended up acting this way, like you’re separate. Because it’s a bit too hard to manage being the Joker otherwise, even if you don’t have a choice.

And so, you let others believe there’s not just you, but instead there’s part of you and the other part of you, and then you pretend that this set up actually makes things easier.

* * *

Some people would say that there _is_ a choice in what happened, as if you actually got to reach into a deck and draw out the Joker. They would say that you, in fact, got to pick which card you wanted, and you just failed to draw it up blank. What they don’t realize is that becoming One With Duties is not like that at all, and instead the deck is shuffled and cards are dealt and _nobody_ gets a chance to switch their hand before looking.

And for you, when you’re younger, you’re not just Faceless, but you’re nameless as well. Nobody cares about you, and you don’t have a home. When they come to tell you that you’ve been chosen to be One With Duties, you think it’s a joke. After all, there’s no way that someone like you can ever become someone that important.

But when you look in the reflection there’s actually a face in the mirror, so you don’t know how to deny it.

You think about being Faceless a lot more than you should. Both of you do, because it’s something faking separation can’t even break up between you. Something about being a Faceless seems so much easier, because it is. There are no real rules. You can do what you want. You don’t have to deal with being broken apart, with being unwanted most of the time. The only risk is that you’re more likely to get shot and no one will care because you can easily be fixed.

You would take that, even over the fact that being the Joker has given you a name.

* * *

There are probably a number of things you could blame for how you’ve come to behave over the seasons—your role, the rules, how you’ve been treated, _anything_—but you don’t. You don’t even bother because blaming things won’t get you anywhere. You are the way you are now, and that’s just how things have ended up.

Because even if the deck’s stacked against you, you still have to play.

A part of you wants to apologize to Alice for it. A part of you still wants to take it back, to try and start over. Of course, that’s impossible, so you toss the thought aside and do whatever it takes to keep Alice to yourself, because as long as you do that, _you’re_ in control of the game.

It’s a lie, but you accept it, because lying is what you do.

* * *

The rules deal out the next hand.

With no other choice, you pick it up.


End file.
